Sleepless Nights: 3 Months in with Twins
Well, we’ve made it to the 3-month mark. The twins are gaining weight, I’m still alive despite being drained of life on an hourly basis, and my husband and I are still speaking to each other. So, I guess that means that we are doing well, all things considered.
I’ve had 3 months postpartum marked on my calendar for a while now. 3 months seems to be the magic number for experienced parents; baby gets on a routine, baby sleeps through the night, parents are suddenly able to handle the extensive sleep deprivation, moms cry less etc. etc. There are countless articles online (if you’re into that sort of thing) about this period calling it “100 Days of Darkness” or similar.
Just make it to 3 months, they said. You’ll be fine after that, they said.
The 4th trimester, like all trimesters, is a beast of its own. The overwhelm, anxiety, loneliness, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and irritability are all at their peak. But *spoiler alert* they don’t stop once you hit 3 months. In fact, I argue that now more than ever is when they get some added fuel, setting your mind, house, and relationships on fire of epic proportions.
I mean, that’s a bit of an exaggeration right now but still hilarious. I can only imagine that with twins, we will get to the blazing merry-go-round of life sooner than most.
So, as I charge ahead towards month 4, here is what’s on my mind 3 months in:
Not so Deep Thoughts //
- I will likely die on my couch. I have spent more time on it than socially acceptable. That being said, I would like to be buried with it. With a bowl full of snacks.
- My boobs are basically half-empty water balloons.
- WTF is this face eczema that has arrived out of nowhere.
- I’ve still managed to shower almost every day, which is at least 3x as much as I used to. Sometimes it’s at 5 pm or 1 am, but I get it in there.
- I haven’t managed to eat breakfast every day… although yesterday I had a bowl of plain oatmeal at 4:45 am because I was awake and STARVING. I often each my first “meal” at 1 pm.
- Winter sucks. One car sucks. One income sucks. (Yes, I know this is straight up complaining.)
- I am so, so tired. I am more tired than the 4 years of volleyball spring training in university. That was morning practices from 5-10am, followed by class from 11-9pm and with a job (somehow) thrown in there. Oh, and then going out at night, getting home at 4 am (tipsy), and then doing it all over again.
- Man, I miss being
able to recover like I’m20. *See above
Slightly Deeper Realizations //
- I didn’t expect how isolated I would feel, and the loneliness that comes with that. This long, freezing winter makes it super difficult to leave the house and we are now a one car family for a few reasons. Essentially, I’m stuck inside with the babies unless the weather (and their moods) permits me to leave.
- My whole body hurts, all the time. I’ve stopped saying anything about it because I would just sound like I’m complaining 24/7. But it all hurts. Like I run a marathon every damn day. Which, in some ways, I guess I do.
- I can’t watch TV shows or movies where there are hurt or dead children. I just can’t.
- I have the same nightmares over and over again. Mostly about bringing one of the babies into bed in the middle of the night to feed them, and then forgetting they are in there. I wake up at least once a night in a panic to check under the covers and on the floor. We do NOT co-sleep, so I don’t know why I have this dream. But I do, and it’s always terrifying.
Mom Guilt //
- The mom guilt is real this month when it comes to giving individual attention to the twins. Are they playing enough, are they doing enough tummy time, are they stimulated, are they overstimulated, are they eating enough, am I breastfeeding one more than the other, will one baby be different because they are having more formula… the list goes on.
That’s what I have for the 3-month marker. It will be interesting to see what the next month brings in terms of sleep patterns, behavioral changes, and my own mental health and stress levels. Did any of these hit home for you? Share with me in the comments!
Did you miss my 2-month thoughts? Check them out here.